[I Think] I Care “Too Much”
Here’s another time capsule piece – a mind-wandering journal entry, quickly jotted during an over-analyzing episode.
2022.06.06
I care too much about your feelings.
I care too much about what people think.
I care too much about our comings before beginnings even begin.
I care too much about not caring too much.
Is it true, this front of not caring at all, that I’ve held in place all these years? Surely not. Because I do care. I have cared. Far too little. Far too much. What is this ongoing back and forth internal battle that I’ve allowed to swallow me whole? I don’t remember ever being this way.
I have to practice caring less.
I have to practice caring less about your feelings. So that I may bet on me with confidence, and put me first without remorse.
I have to practice caring less about what people think. So that I may live every day freely, fully enjoying my creativeness and the adventures lying before me.
I have to practice caring more about beginning, and enjoying the outcomes as they come.
I have to care less about caring so that I can care more.
At the time of writing, I think I realized that I might care too much about not caring, which might mean I care a lot and should indeed care less. Who knows? For now, I don’t have much to unpack, besides telling myself to “go” and “care to care less”. If you can relate, my wish is for you to trust your gut and make that move, regardless.
There’s a world out there needing all the good you’re hiding.
Worry less about them. Do you.
2 Comments
Kingthelady
Love this! I too used to say “I DON’T CARE!” 🤣 which was usually a tell that I did in fact care.
Shalin T
Thank you! It’s so hard to formulate into words 😂, but I think the “ I DON’T CARE” was a defense response to my passion not being met with the energy I hoped it would’ve been!