Real Life

What Do I Want?

This is a time capsule piece.

Written on a scrap of paper in an office I had all to myself, with my name on a plaque outside the door.



For most of my life, as early as my memories take me, I have always been “sure”. I’ve always had an answer, an end goal, a trajectory. And while I allowed myself spontaneity and some degree of adventure, even those moments were planned along the course.

What a weird feeling this is, to be at a moment of having everything I used to be aiming towards, but of not having fulfillment.

It could be that I haven’t figured out my calling yet.

It could be that I have figured out that what I do now is not my calling.

It definitely is the concern that I’m at risk of spending my life in a state of mediocrity, not seeking my (undiscovered?) passions.

It is the feeling of uncertainty.

Shalin… what do you want?

I’m in a period of Rest.

For so long, I have fought back against the gut and God-given feelings of trusting that my God-given capabilities are meant to be used elsewhere right now. This period of Rest is a time of realignment with my journey – it is indeed my personal renaissance.

One of my best friends told me, “How exciting is this going to be for you”.

I repeat that every day.

“How exciting”, indeed, is it to take that first step into walking in Faith and not by sight, towards what is meant for me to give back into the world. I may not know what I want, but I am one step closer to the realization than I was yesterday. Every day, I am one step closer.

I don’t know what it is specifically that my skills are supposed to be doing in this world. But I do know that they will be applied in a way that encourages and moves people towards their point of enlightenment, their first step in their personal renaissance.

If you are here with me right now, traveling through your renaissance, know that you are not alone. Every day, slightly alter your thinking from “I have no idea what I’m doing” to “I am figuring out what I’m supposed to do”. It takes practice, but just try it out once, and then once more.

Love Shalin


  • Megan

    Saying I’m proud of you doesn’t even being to describe how I feel! I’m so grateful to get to watch your journey unfold and cheer you on along the way! You inspire me more than I could ever put into words!

  • zacharyleebonin

    Wow! I related to this real hard. Thank you for posting it, it made me feel good in a way I can’t quite describe.

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